Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Babbling Thoughts of a Thirty-something Filipino

The month of July has been a time of reflection for me since I was promoted to a Training position in the same month. As of writing, it's been 12 years and 19 days. I'm proud and privileged to have gone through the experiences of being a Trainer. There have been peaks and valleys throughout the years. And even plateaus as well.

But lately especially this year, I felt like a rudderless ship, middling at sea. Waiting for a beacon to show the way home. I've been second guessing myself and fell flat on my face several times. The struggle is still there but I know that I'm not giving up. I just need people around me to be supportive. It's hard to snap back to reality in an instant. Encouraging words are meant to bolster one's confidence.

Yes, people might think that being in a particular type of work for years, one is considered an expert and shouldn't encounter negative feedback or digress from doing what is expected of you. But we are all human beings and we do go through travails and trials in our lives that might affect certain aspects  of our career or even relationships with people.

I might not be as charismatic as Professor Keating in Dead Poets Society. I'm more like whiskey. You appreciate it more as you age and mature. I realized I don't have a rockstar personality. I'm not sure what effect I have on people.

I'm not the first one to go through this crisis in life and there have been endless conversations   regarding this. I feel that I need to have some time for myself to ponder on what path should I take. I need a little relief from all that troubles me.

I apologize if I'm babbling and my thoughts are all over the place.

I'm not giving up. Not yet.

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